Four Signs You Experienced Religious Trauma (and aren’t just overreacting)
Hello! I hope you have been having a good spring. The sweet peas in the garden here have just passed their peak, which is always a little sad because I love them so much. But, It is also exciting to know that warmer weather and more sunshine is right around the corner. Let grilling season commence :)
For those of you who are new here, welcome! Thanks for stopping by. I hope that the information you find here is helpful on what can often be a complex healing journey. In light of that, I wanted to review some common symptoms of religious trauma with you. It can be useful to remind ourselves of “the basics” from time to time, especially given how complex of a topic and an experience this can be. I find that the more information we have, the better able we are to understand ourselves, which can really help us find deeper empathy for ourselves. Let’s dive in!
Signs you have experienced religious trauma:
If you grew up in high control religion or spent any amount of time within a rigid religious system, it is possible you experienced religious trauma. Here are some common symptoms:
1. Triggered when reminded of your faith community:
When you are encountered with reminders of your faith community, your nervous system gets activated. This can look a variety of different ways. For instance, a song you used to sing in church somehow got onto that playlist you are listing to, and you feel a sudden jolt of strong negative emotional energy inside, and you can’t turn the song off fast enough. Or you are scrolling on social media and come across a post from your former church still doing their thing and preaching their toxic message, and you feel destabilized emotionally with anxiety and anger, and are distracted by it for the rest of the day. Or when you hear certain phrases like “seek God’s will” or “love the sinner, hate the sin” or “can I pray for you?” or “just give it to the Lord” from friends or family who are still a part of a faith community, you become overwhelmed in a bad way because you remember all the times people responded to you with those unhelpful phrases when you were really struggling.
2. Internalized shame:
High control religions are unfortunately great at getting people to internalize shame. Many faith communities believe in the doctrine of original sin, which is the idea that humans are born inherently bad and sinful. When this belief is preached as the truth and preached often, it does not take a lot of mental gymnastics to understand how someone could start to believe that they are inherently bad and wretched.
This might look like you constantly having thoughts that you are bad, unworthy, or broken beyond repair. Or when something goes wrong or doesn’t make sense, your immediate conclusion is that the problem is you or that you did something wrong. Or you feel like you do not deserve good things in your life. Or you have poor boundaries because you feel like everyone else’s needs are more important.
3. Avoidance of pleasure, dating, or sex:
Many faith communities teach that a heterosexual marriage is the only acceptable relationship in which to explore and express oneself sexually. Anything outside of that is considered shameful and dirty, and something that will separate you from God. Because the acceptable way to express sexuality in high control religion is so narrow, often people in faith communities carry a deep sense of shame related to their own sexuality because it does not fit into what is allowed. This can also carry over into dating as well as just generally experiencing pleasure. Often religious trauma survivors avoid dating and sex altogether, not because they don’t want to be partnered or have sexual experiences, but because sex and pleasure are so wrapped up with confusing and shaming messages that it feels more comfortable and safer to just avoid it altogether.
4. Always on guard for “danger” (i.e. sin and hell)
High control religion teaches that even small and inconsequential choices can have severe and eternal consequences. People are taught to heavily examine their motives in every choice they make and ask God for guidance to keep from sinning. Sin is to be avoided because it will separate you from God, and if you are separated from God and die, you will go to hell. This can make simple decisions like “Should I go pick up my dry cleaning today?” feel like life and death decisions because if you choose wrongly, there could be terrible consequences.
You might have fear and anxiety about things like hell, death, your own sinfulness, making mistakes, and the rapture. You might expect perfection out of yourself and others because that’s what you had to do for so long to ensure your salvation. You might see the world through a black and white lens and categorize things as only good or bad or right or wrong, and have trouble accepting that there are gray areas in life.
This is not an exhaustive list of symptoms by any means, but hopefully gives you some concrete things to look for and reflect on.
If any of the above describes you, healing is possible! I work with clients everyday who have experienced religious trauma and who are doing the work to tend to their pain, identify and disrupt their symptoms, and rebuild their lives.
If you are ready to start unpacking what happened to you in high control religion with a therapist who specializes in religious trauma, spiritual abuse, and faith deconstruction, I’m accepting new clients in CA, FL, and MO. Send me a message to request a free 15 minute consultation to get started.