A Religious Trauma Therapist Walks Into a Nude Sauna…
Sounds like the start of a joke, right? That’s what I thought when I was brainstorming the title for this week’s blog post! “A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar…”.
For those of you that follow me on Instagram, you know that I recently was on vacation in the Dolomiti region of the Italian Alps. If you like to hike, I highly recommend the area! We had a great time and saw a lot of stunning scenery, stopped at many a mountain hut for refreshments, and marveled at the fields of wildflowers that were coloring the alpine meadows. It really did feel like Julie Andrews would emerge at any moment dressed as Fräulein Maria and start singing “The hills are alive with the sound of music”!
While on vacation I also made it a point to rest and relax, so decided to take advantage of the sauna (which was co-ed) that was in the hotel we were staying at. My previous experiences with saunas had all been in the US and Canada where the culture is more modest and where swimsuits are required. So, my American, exvangelical, religious-trauma-surviving, purity-culture-dropout self donned my swimsuit and headed down to the sauna ready to relax. I opened the door and noticed a big sign on the wall in 3 different languages detailing the “rules of the sauna.” I found the English panel and quickly skimmed through the words until my eyes landed on the following:
“This is a nude sauna. Swimsuits are not allowed.”
Uh oh. I glanced around into the sauna area and noticed that people were, in fact, nude. No swimsuits.
I felt caught between competing messages, values, and wants. As someone whose nervous system is sometimes in overdrive, I really wanted to sit in the sauna and relax. As a serial rule follower, I did not want to break the rules of the sauna, which meant I needed to take off my swimsuit. As someone raised in American conservative evangelicalism and purity culture, I was taught that being naked in front of other people was very bad (because sex!), so felt like disrobing was wrong. As someone who knows that what they were taught in high control religion about nakedness, bodies, and sex was really fucked up, I wanted to step confidently into the sauna sans swimsuit as an act of empowerment, embodiment, and rebellion against the harmful messaging I received.
Ultimately I decided that since I would never see these people in the sauna again (except a couple I saw at breakfast the next morning haha), what better opportunity to try something new and very outside my comfort zone than the present. So, after disrobing, I grabbed a towel and headed in while repeating in my head “This is Europe…literally no one cares.”
I was mindful of the thoughts and feelings that surfaced for me during my sauna experience - it caused me to reflect a lot on the messages I received in high control religion (specifically purity culture) about nakedness, bodies, sex, modesty, etc. Here are some of the old narratives from conservative Evangelicalism that got activated for me that I had to intentionally identify and dismiss:
Harmful message #1 - Nakedness is always sexual
In purity culture, I was taught that nakedness equated to (or led to) sexualness. There wasn’t really a scenario where people could be naked and not have something sexual going on. Because sex outside of a heterosexual marriage was wrong, and nakedness would surely lead to sex, nakedness was bad and should be avoided.
I was surprised at how normal and natural everyone else in the sauna seemed to feel about their nakedness as well as the nakedness of those around them. As I had been repeating to myself, literally no one cared. And literally nothing about it was sexual.
Harmful Message #2 - Bodies are shameful
In high control religion, the physical body is often considered shameful (because of the association with sex, sexuality, sexualness, etc.).
But as I was walking around the sauna with everyone else, I remember thinking that there really is nothing more naturally human than the physical body of a person. We all have bodies, they all look different, and yet we are somehow all the same (human).
As a therapist who specializes in religious trauma, being present in (or disconnected from) the body is a topic that comes up often in sessions with clients. What a tragedy that in a lot of religious communities, our physical forms are shamed, which results in disembodiment in order to cope, survive, and remain in those communities. It was a freeing experience to be present in my body unclothed around other people and not have any shame or moral values assigned to my body.
Harmful message #3: Modesty is important because people (especially men) can’t control themselves sexually.
I remember modesty, especially for women, being taught as an important virtue to live by. Cover up, don’t dress too seductively, don’t wear shorts or dresses that are too short or shirts that are too low cut. The reason? So that you do not make your brother in Christ “stumble” (i.e. lust after your body because he surely wants to have sex with you and can’t control himself).
Not surprisingly, no one in the sauna interacted in a sexual manner with anyone else whilst being nude. We all behaved like grownups and went about our own sauna journeys respectfully.
Was I uncomfortable during this experience? At times. Did I get annoyed that purity culture messages still got activated within me even after years of of extensive inner work? You bet. Did I have to coach myself through it? Yep. Would I do it again? Absolutely.
I would encourage you to find something that directly opposes an old harmful message you received in high control religion and try it out as an act of embodiment, empowerment, and/or rebellion. Maybe it’s a nude sauna. Maybe it’s pole dancing classes. Maybe it’s yoga. It doesn’t really matter what it is specifically, as long as it challenges old messaging that might be keeping you stuck. You never know - you just might find a new way of being that feels more free.
Do you resonate with any of the above? Healing is possible! I work with clients everyday who have experienced religious harm and who are doing the work to tend to their pain, identify and disrupt the harmful narratives they were indoctrinated with, and rebuild their lives.
If you are ready to start unpacking what happened to you in high control religion with a therapist who specializes in religious trauma, spiritual abuse, and faith deconstruction, I’m accepting new clients in CA, FL, and MO. Send me a message to request a free 15 minute consultation to get started.