Faith Deconstruction 101: What It Is, Why It Happens, And Ways To Cope

Have you ever been sitting in the pew at church and started to feel uneasy because  something that was said from the pulpit didn’t sit right with you?  Have you ever been reading  your Bible and started questioning what you had been told certain verses meant?  Have you ever been in a church small group setting and felt uncomfortable with some of the “godly” direction or advice given to you by one of the leaders?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you have experienced some version of a faith deconstruction process.  In this blog post, we will delve into what faith deconstruction is, why it happens, and some helpful tools for when you find yourself smack dab in the middle of it.  

What is faith deconstruction?

Faith deconstruction, also known as religious deconstruction, is a process through which an individual critically and carefully examines or reevaluates their religious beliefs, practices, and traditions. It often involves questioning the core tenets of one’s faith, the authority of religious leaders, and the interpretation of sacred texts. It sometimes starts with a pesky feeling that something is off, doesn’t add up, or isn’t quite working.  This self-reflection and confrontation of difficult questions can lead to a reworking of one’s beliefs or, in some cases, a complete abandonment of one’s faith.

Though everyone’s journey is different, there are some common elements that people experience when deconstructing their faith: 

Doubting and questioning long-held beliefs and assumptions: Faith deconstruction starts when individuals begin to question their long-held beliefs and grapple with difficult questions. They might start to doubt what they once thought was true and try to gain a deeper understanding of their faith.

Evaluating alignment with personal values:  Those in the process of faith deconstruction step back to assess if their beliefs match their own experiences, values, and intellectual convictions. They consider whether their faith still fits with their evolving outlook on life.

Reclaiming autonomy:  During faith deconstruction, individuals begin to tap into agency, making their own choices about what they believe rather than blindly following religious doctrines.

Exploring spirituality in search of perspectives that feel like a better fit for an expanding worldview:  Many people in the process of faith deconstruction engage in a search for new spiritual or philosophical perspectives that better align with their values. They may explore alternative belief systems or spiritual practices that had been previously considered off limits.

Changing relationships and community:  Faith deconstruction often affects relationships with family, friends, and religious communities. It can lead to tension and conflict as individuals express their changing beliefs. Some relationships may need to be renegotiated or redefined.  When relationships end and/or when someone exits a faith community, there is a process of grieving the loss of those relationships that sometimes feels like grieving the loss of a second family.

Why it happens…

Faith deconstruction can be triggered by a variety of things in someone’s life.  Some common triggers include:

Doctrinal inconsistencies: When someone encounters inconsistencies or contradictions in their religious teachings, doubting and questioning are natural responses.  Discrepancies may also challenge the perceived infallibility of religious doctrine or religious texts.

Intellectual curiosity:  Studying theology, philosophy, or other belief systems can raise questions about one’s own faith.  

Personal experiences:  Life experiences, both positive and negative, can play a significant role in triggering faith deconstruction. Trauma, loss, or suffering might lead people to question why a loving or all-powerful God would allow such pain. On the other hand, profound personal experiences can also prompt a questioning of one’s beliefs, especially in the realm of gender and sexual identity.

Exposure to diverse worldviews:  Interactions with people of different faiths or beliefs systems can challenge one’s own religious perspective. 

Ethical and moral dilemmas:  When religious teachings clash with an individual’s evolving ethical or moral values, it can lead to a crisis of faith. People may grapple with questions about whether their beliefs align with their sense of what is right and just.

Access to Information:  In the age of the internet, access to a wealth of information and different perspectives can also trigger a crisis of faith. Reading books, articles, or discussions on religious and philosophical topics can challenge previously held beliefs and cause someone to question the teachings in their religion.

Spiritual Abuse or Religious Trauma:  Negative experiences within a religious community, such as spiritual abuse or religious trauma, can be a significant trigger for faith deconstruction. When someone begins processing that they were harmed in what was supposed to be a safe space, it is very normal to also begin questioning the system in which they were harmed.

Life Stages:  Major life transitions, such as leaving home for college, becoming a parent, or entering midlife can prompt someone to reevaluate their religious beliefs as their identity and values change.

Some helpful tools:

Deconstructing one’s faith is a process that is sometimes filled with discomfort, confusion, pain, sadness, and fear.  Here are some things that can help:

Self-Care Practices:  I know this is an obvious one, but it is so important.  Regular exercise / moving your body, a healthy diet, and sufficient sleep can make a difference!

Creative outlets:  Creative activities like art, music, writing, or dancing can be a great therapeutic outlet for expressing thoughts and feelings.

Support groups:  Joining a faith deconstruction support group (in person or online) can normalize your experience and help you feel less alone.  They can also provide a sense of validation and community, as well as a place to share experiences with others who are going through a similar journey.

Books and podcasts:  There are so many wonderful books and podcasts written or hosted by individuals who have deconstructed their faith.  Reading or listening to them can provide valuable insights, relatable experiences, and different perspectives. 

Therapy:  Therapy can provide a safe space to process your experiences of religious trauma, as well as the support you need while you are rebuilding your sense of self, identity, and community.

Everyone’s healing journey is unique, so it’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate these changes.  If you resonate with any of the above, I would love to support you on your healing journey.  Reach out today for a free consultation.